So today I wake to the news that a friend i have known for over 10 years is seperating from her husband. Now I guess this is really none of my business - nor does it relate to me enough to write about, but well i feel like I should. So no names mentioned and if you work out or think you know who it is keep it to yourself.
So it all starts with good old facebook - that dreaded relationship change that updates on all of your friends news feed! Blah Blah Smith is now single. A quick private message later saying "I hope you are ok" returns a barrage of information - i guess i wasnt really prepared for. The man of the house was caught having an affair.
Now I know we all dont know what happens behind closed doors, we dont know what gets spoken about in the inner sanctum of ones home, we dont know if one or both have been unhappy for a long time - in fact I didnt ask.
However it did get me thinking about the reasons people chose to embark on affairs
- bored?
- unhappy?
- the thrill of being caught?
- the thrill of being with someone else?
- is life too good you want to explore something else?
- have you just fallen out of love?
Guess there are many reasons - but the main and most upsetting thing for me are the kids. Now I am not saying we should all stay in our relationships "just for the kids" In fact I think that that is a cop out reason to stay in a relationship - clearly the kids are better off with 2 parents living happy seperately than together and miserable...... I think the kids are 8 and 5 with a toddler running around as well. What do you say to them? how do you explain it? "Sorry your Dad couldn't keep it in his pants?"
How do you explain to the kids without putting pressure on them to have a certain opinion now of their father (or mother)? I know I would find this hard not to influence my kids opinions if I were in the same position. Does this make him a bad father? or just a bad husband? Maybe married life isn't for him.
Too many questions
Now this blog is not a rant about men only having affairs - in fact i know of a few women that have embarked on the same journey - whoever it is, the result is the same! People get hurt
So getting back to my friend. This came as a complete shock - yep like all married couples they had their ups and downs (Gosh I am not perfect myself and wonder how the man of the house puts up with me) - but can anything get so bad that one person feels like they need to "seek" elsewhere? And if they were unhappy (or however they felt) why not bring it up with your partner and talk about it. Chances are if you were feeling a certain way then they probably are as well.
So to my friend - you are better off without him
He will realise that you and the kids were the best thing he ever had
You are a wonderful wonderful person, and I have no doubt your strength will let you move on bigger and stronger.
Dont feel like you have to tell every single Tom, Dick & Harry your business (unless you want to)!
Keep Smiling and i am here for you if you need, the phone is always on.
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